Plead It Like You Mean It – The Loss of Enjoyment of Life’s Pleasures
When you talk with your clients about damages, does it too often come across as routine – like a shopping list?
Or do you get frustrated when it seems like your client won’t “open up” about how their life has changed – what lawyers like to call “the loss of enjoyment of life’s pleasures?”
Some examples might be:
I can’t do the laundry anymore. Why? It’s just too much.
I don’t go for my usual post-work walk or run Why? Not up for it.
I’ve gained weight. Why? Can’t seem to get out of the house.
We don’t get intimate anymore Why? It just doesn’t happen.
I get it, I was kind of bored writing it.
Perhaps you are stuck in the plot and need more story.
Plot can be fun and mostly satisfying. Look at any Mission Impossible movie. Spy story with a twist and giant dollops of action. However, it is the story that sticks with us. Think The Godfather. The mob plot is always appealing, but it’s the personal story of Michael Corleone that keeps us coming back. We watch with rapt attention as a man has his moral code shattered by corruption and power. It’s the emotional journey that hooks us.
However, our clients’ lives are not movies, and most cases don’t frame themselves into taut thematic tales wrapped around perfectly timed action sequences. That said, I promise that your clients have a story much deeper than meets the eye. And most importantly, those stories are core and undeniable truths about your client.
As stated in my last blog, a personal injury incident very often qualifies as a traumatic event. Understanding your clients’ trauma response will give you incredible insight to the story of their damages, no matter what the case is about – whether they broke a hip at a supermarket, lost a leg in an industrial accident, were sexually harassed at work, suffered a bad dog bite, or were victim of police beating.
Psychology research indicates four common types of immediate responses to trauma: Fight, flight, freeze and fawn. (To be sure, there are three other recognized responses, but for brevity, I will focus on the common ones.)
Here’s a very abbreviated survey of the common responses:
Fight – combativeness towards the perpetrator, including physically as well as arguing and yelling
Flight – running from an actual or perceived danger, avoidance at all costs
Freeze – instead of combat or run, become hyper vigilant. Stop, look at listen
Fawn – adapting to become more appealing to a threat.
It is highly likely that your client expressed one of the above-mentioned trauma responses. What does that mean? The National Institute of Health has exhaustively explored the subject of the fallout from traumatic events. Sadness, anger, fear and shame are often reported, as is the inability to regulate these emotions – either becoming overwhelmed or becoming numbed. Often times people try to regulate their emotions with substance abuse, gambling, or poor eating patterns. Physical reactions include sleep disturbances as well as gastrointestinal and cardiovascular problems.
These responses are often expressed in patterns. Here are some studied examples:
Fight – these folks generally become confrontational, angry or irritable more easily. They are prone to outbursts, seek to control things, and snap at criticism
Flight – become perfectionist, compulsive, micromanage, or worry. This group is inclined to self-medication, over-explaining and trauma dumping.
Freeze - they will isolate, avoid decisions, ruminate, and seek sleep often. Studies show these folks may become binge eaters to self soothe.
Fawn – people please, become codependent, and show no boundaries. Literature shows they tend to be workaholics and over apologize.
In sum, how your clients’ lives unfurled post incident is always deeper and more connected than it appears. And a wide-open window into your clients’ damages is how your clients’ lives unfurled post incident. Keep in mind, all of us typically exhibit more than one of these categories. (Do you know which yours would be? If I had to guess, mine is most likely fight and flight.)
Let’s take another look at an example from above:
“I can’t do the laundry anymore.”
Scenario A – What if your client habitually couldn’t decide whether to do darks or lights first, ruminates about their failure while mindlessly eating a whole bag of chips while standing at the cupboard? Then started taking skipping their Peloton classes in favor of more and more afternoon naps to the point where her partner started doing the laundry and other chores. What strife would that cause in the relationship? Unless that mate has a master’s in psychology, they are likely to develop feelings of resentment about the “lazy” spouse, which naturally affects the intimacy.
Scenario B – What if your client was only able to the laundry after meticulously sorting the laundry into twelve different piles and then would rewash certain loads if they didn’t use the exact same number of minutes for that given “failed” load. Behind on the rest of the day, they kept making pasta with jarred sauce for dinner, bailing on the evening dog walks in favor of an extra glass of whisky which made for early bedtime. The monotony would affect any relationship, and the early bedtimes would derail most spousal fun time. As will the grogginess the following morning.
The basic plot is the basic chore of having to the laundry, which sets the damages story up into small scenes. For one, its standing over a pile of laundry, worried at the cupboard, sleeping on a couch while the Peloton remains off. For the other, it’s a manic scene in the basement, a rushed dinner eaten by a bored family, and regret numbed away by the drink probably in front of a TV. There are scenes that easily come to our mind, and those visuals break our heart a little.
Yet, the trauma response story behind how that chore has become impossible are the beats that capture our attention. As you can see the “freeze” response folks get bogged down in indecision, worry themselves sick, disassociate by eating and then need that nap to shut it all off. The “flight” people fix by asserting total control and order over their lives, worry when they aren’t busy, and then numb with substances. Note in both examples, the other “listed” damages – gaining weight, not working out and loss of intimacy – naturally blended into the story.
The Takeaway: Understand how trauma expresses itself, which will help you go beyond the surface level of damages. Then, the next time that you plead, “the loss of enjoyment of life’s pleasures,” you will know how much weight those seven words truly carry.
